Most state laws allow the court to consider a child’s preference on which parent’s home will be the child’s primary residence after the child reaches a certain age—often 12-14 years of age.

But the court usually does not have to follow the child’s preference. Generally, the older the child is, the more deference will be given to the child’s choice on which parent’s home will be the child’s primary residence.

The law on this issue is usually found in your state’s statutes—often in the statutes grouped together and called the family code.

In Virginia, the court considers the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements, as outlined in the Virginia Code Section 20-124.3. While there is no specific age at which a child's preference must be considered, the law does state that the reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age, and experience to express such a preference, is one of the factors the court will consider. This means that as children get older and more mature, their preferences may be given more weight, but the court is not bound to follow the child's wishes. The child's preference is just one of many factors that the court will evaluate in order to serve the best interests of the child, which may include the child's age and physical and emotional needs, the role each parent has played and will play in the upbringing and care of the child, and the relationship of the child with each parent.