What Not to Do During a Divorce
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Going through a divorce can feel like you’ve been dropped into a storm with no clear map to get out. It’s messy, it’s emotional, and the stakes—your children, your finances, your future—are high. Whether your divorce is amicable or contested, there's one constant truth: how you behave during this period can affect your life long after the papers are signed.
So let’s talk about what not to do during a divorce—not just from a legal standpoint, but from a human one. This guide will walk you through people's common missteps and how to avoid them with as much grace and clarity as possible.
1. Don’t Involve Your Kids in the Crossfire
It’s heartbreaking how often children become unintentional casualties in a divorce. They’re not just watching—they're absorbing every emotion, word, and gesture.
One of the biggest points on any list of what not to do during a divorce is using your children as messengers, confidants, or bargaining chips. Telling your child about your ex’s behavior, asking them to spy, or making them choose sides is incredibly damaging.
Instead, keep your conversations child-focused. Reassure them that both parents love them and that the separation is not their fault. Give them the space to process their own feelings without loading them up with yours.
2. Don’t Jump Into a New Relationship Too Quickly
It’s tempting to seek comfort in someone new. You’re lonely, feeling rejected or hurt, and want to feel desired again. But starting a new romance while you’re still in the middle of a divorce can stir up even more emotional chaos for you, your ex, your children, and your legal proceedings.
In states where adultery can impact the outcome of the divorce, this move can have real legal consequences, too. Even if your ex has already moved on, you should think carefully before doing the same.
If you’re wondering what not to do during a divorce, diving headfirst into dating is high on the list. Give yourself the time and space to heal.
3. Avoid Bringing a New Partner to Court
You might think having your new partner present in court shows strength or support. But judges rarely see it that way, and neither does your ex. More often than not, it escalates tensions.
Worse, it may be interpreted as a provocation—especially if children are involved. Courts are looking for stability and maturity in custody disputes, not drama.
Leave them at home unless your new relationship has legal relevance to the case (like in custody matters). Showing respect for the process and everyone involved will speak volumes.
4. Don't Lash Out—Verbally or Online
Words are powerful, and in a divorce, they’re also often documented. When you're under emotional stress, it's easy to fire off a heated text, make a passive-aggressive social media post, or rant to friends who might not be as private as you think.
These words can and do resurface in court.
A huge mistake in what not to do during a divorce is forgetting that your digital footprint can impact everything from asset division to parenting time. Keep your posts neutral. Better yet, take a break from social media until the dust settles.
5. Don’t Neglect Your Finances
Divorce can be a financial earthquake. Between legal fees, splitting assets, and adjusting to life on a single income, things can unravel quickly if you're not careful.
Many people fall into the trap of emotional spending—using shopping or travel to soothe pain, or stop tracking money altogether because it's too overwhelming.
Don’t. Now is the time to get crystal clear on your budget, your income, your debts, and your future goals. If you’re unsure where to start, work with a financial advisor specializing in divorce. It might feel overwhelming now, but financial clarity is a powerful step toward independence.
6. Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
Divorce takes a toll on your body, your mind, and your spirit. You might skip meals, sleep poorly, or lose motivation to do the things you once enjoyed.
This is when self-care stops being a buzzword and becomes a survival strategy.
Get outside. Move your body. See a therapist. Cry if you need to. Journaling, meditation, and even breathing exercises can help keep you centered.
One of the most overlooked answers to “what not to do during a divorce” is not to abandon yourself. The stronger you are mentally and emotionally, the better decisions you’ll make for your future.
7. Don’t Postpone Therapy
Divorce is often described as a grieving process, and for good reason. You're mourning the loss of a shared future, identity, routine, and sometimes even social circles.
Seeing a therapist isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a wise step for anyone going through a major life transition. Therapists help you sort out emotions, see patterns, and move forward without dragging unnecessary baggage.
Even better? Therapy can teach you tools for better communication, essential if you’re co-parenting post-divorce.
8. Don’t Rely on Substances to Cope
It’s easy to fall into the habit of having a few extra drinks to take the edge off, or worse. But leaning on alcohol or drugs, even socially, can have severe consequences in a divorce, especially in custody evaluations.
More importantly, it numbs the pain instead of helping you move through it.
If you're wondering what not to do during a divorce from a health and legal standpoint, overindulging in alcohol or substances is high on the list. If you feel yourself slipping, reach out for help. There’s no shame in it.
9. Don’t Use Your Kids as Emotional Support
Your kids aren’t your therapist, sounding board, or cheerleader. Even if they seem mature for their age, carrying your emotional burden is not their job.
Instead of venting to your child about how hard the divorce has been, redirect that energy into productive conversations with adults who can support you.
Kids need the freedom to be kids. Let them feel what they feel, without trying to manage your emotional state.
10. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex Around the Kids
Even if you’re biting your tongue, children pick up on energy. Saying things like “your dad never shows up on time” or “your mom always cared more about her career than family” puts your child in an unfair position.
They’re still trying to love both of you. They want to feel safe in both homes. Speaking negatively about the other parent makes them feel like they’re betraying someone, no matter what they do.
One of the cardinal rules of what not to do during a divorce—especially as a parent—is to keep adult issues between adults. Let kids love freely.
11. Don’t Make Big Life Changes Without Thinking Them Through
It might seem like a good time to move across the country, change jobs, or withdraw from retirement savings, but these decisions can have ripple effects that complicate your case and your long-term stability.
Before making any major financial or life choices, talk to your attorney and a financial planner. It's not about staying stuck. It's about moving forward strategically.
12. Don’t Ignore Legal Advice
Your divorce attorney is there to protect your best interests. You hired them for a reason. Even if you don’t like what they’re telling you, listen.
Trying to represent yourself, hiding information, or ignoring court orders can cause irreversible damage. And no, the judge isn’t give you a free pass for being upset.
The legal process is already difficult—don’t make it harder on yourself.
13. Don’t Isolate Yourself
Divorce can make you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. That feeling of isolation can snowball into depression if you let it.
This is the time to lean into your friendships. Say yes to coffee dates. Join a support group. Talk to someone who’s been through it.
Even if you don’t feel like it, staying socially connected is one of the healthiest things you can do right now.
It's Not Just About What You Do—But What You Don't
Knowing what not to do during a divorce can help you stay grounded when everything around you shifts. Divorce isn’t easy, but how you handle it can shape your future more than you might realize.
Steer clear of knee-jerk decisions. Don’t get caught in emotional crossfires. Keep your eyes on the big picture, even when the present is chaotic. Most importantly, hold on to your values for your own peace of mind and for those who count on you.
If you’re in the middle of a divorce and feeling uncertain, you don’t have to go it alone. LegalFix supports you with reliable, easy-to-use online legal resources tailored to your needs. You'll find it here whether you’re trying to understand your rights, figure out your next steps, or just need clear, grounded advice.
Contact LegalFix today and see how our online legal resources can help you avoid common pitfalls and move forward with clarity and confidence.
FAQs
Why should I avoid dating during the divorce process?
Dating during a divorce can complicate the legal proceedings, impact the emotional climate of the negotiations, and potentially affect the outcome regarding asset division and custody arrangements. It's advisable to wait until the divorce is finalized to begin new relationships.
How can involving my children in the divorce process negatively impact them?
Involving children in the divorce process can lead to emotional distress and confusion. Discussing the other parent negatively or using children as messengers between parents can harm their well-being and affect their relationships with both parents.
What are the risks of posting on social media during a divorce?
Posting on social media during a divorce can lead to unintended legal consequences. Comments, photos, or information shared online can be used as evidence in court, potentially influencing the case's outcome regarding custody and asset division.
Why is it important to manage my finances during a divorce?
Divorce can be financially straining, so it's crucial to avoid accumulating new debt and to keep track of expenses and income. Understanding and managing your finances can help safeguard your long-term financial health and ensure a better outcome in the settlement.
What should I do if I'm feeling overwhelmed during the divorce?
If you're feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking the support of a therapist or counselor. They can provide emotional support, help you navigate your feelings, and offer strategies to manage stress effectively during the divorce process. Taking care of your mental health is essential for making sound decisions and moving forward.
